Captain's Log: Ret-convenient 1/12/2010

Ever have a moment when your childhood was thoroughly defecated on? For most people it's when admired fictional figures, namely Santa Claus and the Great Pumpkin, are exposed as parental propaganda to promote good behavior.

For me that moment was this...


Yes, that just fucking happened. Peter Parker just used his spider powers to perform a dance that even Adam Lambert would find campy.

When news broke a few years ago that Marvel would begin producing their own movies in house to avoid further lapses in characterization, continuity flaws,and missteps in translation(Galactus Cloud anyone?)I was both saddened and stoked. The prospect of accurate adaptions had me pumped;(Iron Man anyone?) but the reality of pre-existing franchises ruined by idiotic film companies was far from inspiring. I figured it would be several years before the icons of my youth would have a chance at mainstream redemption; but thankfully I was wrong. As of today Marvel studios now holds the reins of the Spider-man franchise; and is looking to reboot after booting Tobey Maguire, Sam Raimi, and ,the horribly cast, Kristen Dunst.

Seriously, Mary Jane is supposed to look like this.


What the fuck is this?


Any way, after three shitty films I'm more than happy to bid adieu to the fucking lot of them. Hopefully Marvel studios will work the same magic they have with The Hulk and Iron Man. And even in the extremely unlikely event that they don't nothing can be worse than this...


Yes, that just fucking happened.